i haven't thought of a very good title. so i guess ill just have to stick to whatever comes first to my mind. i have been through a lot lately, but i am happy where i am right now. i am having the last normal year of my life, where people can have plans and people can still dictate their plans for you. i am having the year when i can still get money from my parents, where i can just hang out and still be productive. i am trying to enjoy life now, because i dont know where life will take me after college. i still cant believe this is the last year of undergrad. and next year, ill be off to a real life. where there are no classrooms, teachers to guide you. simply you and your strength, courage and faith and perseverance and everything you need to survive the REAL WORLD.

you see, im not very good at orders or even in a lot of things that i do. i want things spontaneous and unplanned. but right now, i feel that i am afraid to be that. because after this year. it will always be the same. spointainity is game. on how can i be a well rounded person. so weird that i am thinking of this right now. since i should be studying, but hence i want to blurt everything that's on my mind.

thesis. name it. i've got every idea on my head. too shy to share it. i hate it that way, because im very useless now i think.

studies. fucker. this is hell. i am studying, and im just halfway through it. i need to read almost 125 pages from my book, another 20-30 pages from another book and 5 pages handouts. darn. that's for one subject and for a quiz, with objective and essay type exam. i am an economist. i have to stick it in my head. i still have exams on saturday. and a lot to deal with school. again, thesis. and loads of projects, assignments, books to read, etc. OMG. f***.

friends? its nice that at the last year of my schooling, i can still find good people which i thought i can never be friends with. i mean we're not super close. but i believe they are my friends. :) i miss yfc. super.

service. sorry. pass. i miss it. but im busy. i am trying to find ways, i hope God can help me.

family? GOOD. so good

lovelife? wahaha. good as well. i am enjoying life. i am happy.

until such time, i am ok. i wish life is always this nice and this pleasant. i mean, i dont have a perfect life, but believe me. i love my life, i love myself. and i love the people around me. i thank God for a lot of things :>

why am i blogging again? i don't know.

game. nasa mood ako ulet magblog. matagal tagal na ako hindi nag blog at matatagalan bago ulet mag blog.

narealize ko na kailangan ko maging busy dahil sa mga dami ng gagawin ko : prelims, campus tour, projects and all that stuff. and i didnt expect much, but so much is happening. well not too much.

the year came in with a blast. i just dont understand how carefree and happy and contented ako with what i have. lately i enjoy having time with everyone, literally, family.. friends, bestfriends and all others. super fun ng mga few days ng taon. sana nga ganito buong taon.

madami ako naging realizations sa pag pasok ng taon. 2006 is such a so so year. but still i feel so blessed coz i know for a fact that i really enjoy my time right now. i enjoy what i have. mahirap humiling ng bagay na d mo kaya maabot. im happy where i am right now. nakakatuwa. ok na kami ni ekai.. sana nga magtuloy tuloy talaga. super saya na isipin na nagiging ok na lahat sa amin. hmm. grabe. isang tao nalang talaga ang d ok. c ogie. kelan kaya magiging ok na tulad ng dati as friends kami? well, sabi nga ni pearly, asa pa ako. nakakatuwa na nakakalungkot den ang news sa hh namin. super. shempre.. basta mahirap. kasi sobrang mahal ko ang pearlies at sad na maghihiwalay na kami ng landas and all.. pero masaya ako kasi dadalhin sila, kami ni God sa lugar na alam niyang nararapat kami, para mas makatouch ng buhay ng ibang tao, at para magawa ang will niya para sa amin. nakakatuwa talagang isipin na ok ang lahat. na hindi ako sobrang nag aalala sa dadating na bukas, na ineenjoy ko bawat moment ng araw na dumadaan, at pilit na ginagawang mas makabuluhan ang buhay ko. shit. that's Filipino! amazing ko :)

ang alam ko lang ngayon.. ang taon na ito ay magiging memorable.., dahil last year na ng pagiging teen ko. dahil 2 sem nalang e graduate na ako, dahil madaming prinepare c God para sa akin. at dahil alam ko na ang gagawin ko lang ngayong taon ay magmahal :) because love - God. they are equated :)

God bless!

ayan. c ms. blogging ako. cant sleep yet. just ate dinner an hour ago. kaya eto. while blogging, im talking to benj and making me laugh as usual..

pero nagchange mood ko. naiyak ako. nakita ko yung iris eh. as usual.. hmm..

kamusta na ba?

ive been better.. well, despite na alam mo na.. na may mga prob pa ren. im still surviving.. wala naman ako magagwa kung may problem pa rin diba? at least i do not have to sink myself into depression and anxiety. nakakatulog na din ako ng maayos kahit papaano. sabi ko na eh. kailangan ko lang talaga ilabas ang aking emotions. its nice to know that i know now who are my real friends are.. and its nice to see that i am having few close friends and a lot of acquaintances and friends.. sobrang saya ng feeling ko..

high ako ngayon sa madaming bagay.. super.. sa service, sa love, and sa passion ko. nakakabilib lang kasi.. soobrang mahal ako ng Diyos, dahil binigyan niya ako ng mga taong sobrang nakikita ko si God sa kanila.. na binigay sa akin ni God para mahalin. sobrang saya.. ngayon, when i think of it.. naiiyak ako. yung household namin, hindi ko alam na magiging ganon ang outcome. for months, ive been waiting for real emotions and tears to flow, for the real me to come out again, and for the real life ive wanted to be claimed. pero hindi ko narealize na sa hh namin yun mangyayari.

soobrangh ngayon, alam ko na ang Diyos ay mahal ako. na may plano shang sobrang ganda para sa akin. clinaim ko ang sarili ko ngayon na buo ulit, na single.. que ber kung hindi ako mahal ng iba.. que ber kung ayaw na nila sa akin, o ayaw niya sa akin? basta ako mahal ko sila. mahal ko kayo. yun ang trabahong binigay sa akin ng Diyos, ang magmahal. hindi ko man kilala, o kilala ko, kagalit ko man o kaibigan ko, o pamilya ko. dapat ko pa rin mahalin..

takot man ako.. handa ako kung saan ako dadalhin ng Diyos. dasal lang at kapit sa knya ang kakampi ko..

ive never felt this good for a few months..

salamat sa mga nagmamahal.. salamat sa mga totoong kaibigan.. at sa mga hindi at hindi gaano.. slamat parin. kasi pinapalakas ninyo ako.. :)

que ber kung mahal mo ako, basta ako.. mahal kita. :)

God bless!